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relee3:33am - I feel sick trying to force myself to write this, but I think it's important. I've had a pretty difficult august for getting myself to work on my projects or anything. I managed to get that story out for my friend but that's about it.
I've been feeling a terrible aversion to doing much of anything lately. Work, play, it's all the same. It's different than before, when I was depressed. Now I actually want to do things, but find that I can't carry out my desires. My body just locks up when I try. I can only get little bits of things done, like writing this now.
Sometimes you have to go with the flow to get anywhere though, so I might try that. I've been less and less interested in my Dungeon Generator/Zeldalike Project lately, and more interested in my previous work on making a Dungeon Gardening game.
I've been thinking about it lately and the idea of removing the player avatar idea again and the minions again and just having it be like, 'shape the dungeon you want, and see what moves in'. Then you could encourage and help the growth of whatever moved in, or try to get something else to move in, and gradually make an interesting dungeon full of ecological simulation.
Even still it's hard to get any enthusiasm up for it. I'm not sure games hold the magic they once did for me. But I don't know what else to do with my life? So I carry on.
So the principle of the game is to dig a hole for a habitat, plant some food in there, and see what comes along. Still, I want it to be able to recognize certain structures and patterns.
5:04am - I found myself fiddling around with that book The Nature of Code again. It's a bit inspiring but also a bit intimidating.
I should write what I'm thinking about. I want to create but I'm still feeling a great sense of aversion. It's frustrationizing.
It's hard to even imagine thinking about the sorts of planning I need to do to make this sort of game, even though I've done a lot of it before.
Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself too much. Trying to push myself into coding when I don't even know what I really intend to make.
6:52am - I'll give it some more thought as time goes on. Right now holding open this work post is stressing me out.
I've been feeling a terrible aversion to doing much of anything lately. Work, play, it's all the same. It's different than before, when I was depressed. Now I actually want to do things, but find that I can't carry out my desires. My body just locks up when I try. I can only get little bits of things done, like writing this now.
Sometimes you have to go with the flow to get anywhere though, so I might try that. I've been less and less interested in my Dungeon Generator/Zeldalike Project lately, and more interested in my previous work on making a Dungeon Gardening game.
I've been thinking about it lately and the idea of removing the player avatar idea again and the minions again and just having it be like, 'shape the dungeon you want, and see what moves in'. Then you could encourage and help the growth of whatever moved in, or try to get something else to move in, and gradually make an interesting dungeon full of ecological simulation.
Even still it's hard to get any enthusiasm up for it. I'm not sure games hold the magic they once did for me. But I don't know what else to do with my life? So I carry on.
So the principle of the game is to dig a hole for a habitat, plant some food in there, and see what comes along. Still, I want it to be able to recognize certain structures and patterns.
5:04am - I found myself fiddling around with that book The Nature of Code again. It's a bit inspiring but also a bit intimidating.
I should write what I'm thinking about. I want to create but I'm still feeling a great sense of aversion. It's frustrationizing.
It's hard to even imagine thinking about the sorts of planning I need to do to make this sort of game, even though I've done a lot of it before.
Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself too much. Trying to push myself into coding when I don't even know what I really intend to make.
6:52am - I'll give it some more thought as time goes on. Right now holding open this work post is stressing me out.
