Relee Squirrel

4:50pm - I had an appointment today at 1:30pm, and was done at 2:00pm. I intended to spend time from then to 6pm working on Strawberry Jam and briefly calling an immigration lawyer for my boyfriend.

I have 70 minutes until 6pm and I'm just starting. Sheesh. At least I'm doing something? I'm not sure I accomplished ANYTHING during last year's Strawberry Jam...

I somehow still have the design doc open from the last time I was working. I really ought to turn this chromebook off sometimes, or at least restart it... ^.^;;

Even thought Strawberry Jam is generally meant to make a whole new game in a month, I'm going to use it as motivation to work on Dommy Monsters. I don't expect I'll get it done by the end of the Jam, I dunno if I'll even have something playable, and I dunno if I'll submit it even if I do? But I'm still going to take part in my own way.

The last time I worked, I was trying to come up with the Game Pillars. I made a bunch of potential ones, narrowed it down to my favorite three, and wasn't satisfied. I said I'd consider them. I have not thought about them since then. ^.^;;

They are:

Love of Transformation

Exploring Inside and Out

Everybody Wants You


Those are good but I dunno if they're right, and I want this to be a strong foundation. Perfect is impossible, but let's not just make up some shit and run with it when I can spend some time thinking, right?

Love of Transformation is a major theme and concept for this game, so I'll probably keep that one. I love transformation and I want this game to be strongly themed around transformation. You will experience and enjoy transformation, you will feel like you or at least your character has transformed and you will have to deal with changes both under your control and beyond your control. This is going to be a game for people who love transformation, not just me. So, I want to be able to appeal to different sorts of transformation fans. I also want to have options to avoid squicking people who dislike certain things, or have other issues. Did you know I have a marking phobia? Mostly it manifests as a fear of tattoos, but it can also include things like makeup and graphitti, and ink and paint. Yes I'm strongly into ink and paint themed Toon Transformation. If it happened to me irl I'd probably freak out even if I want it to happen. I also don't like most claws, and fingernails are right out. I prefer cartoon style characters with no fingernails, or just stylized hands. Toenails are even worse. I sometimes see furries with toenails, and it makes me uncomfortable. I just quietly avoid it, though. I don't wanna kinkshame anybody and that's perfectly fine. I love hand and paws, and anti-love fingernails and most claws. Toony claws that are chunky, and those weird cone claws you sometimes see in anime style pics, are okay. I don't know why.

Lots of folks are going to be squicked by things I put in this game, and I want them to be able to avoid most of it. Only most? I don't want players to be able to strip out all the content, and I don't want players to be able to focus entirely on one sort of thing and nothing adjacent. So, there'll be a lot of features you can turn on or off and limit things, and it will tell you apologetically if you have limited it too much.

I plan to release the source code of this game, so others will be able to modify it themselves if that's a real deal breaker, but then that'll be their responsibility and not mine. XD


Exploring Inside and Out refers to both exploring your own mind and persona, who you are and what you want, and that's the inside. It also means exploring the world of the game, what's out there, the possibilities present in a magical world of imagination on the edges of multiple conflicting realities, and that's the outside. This pillar also ties into what I was saying about limiting the limitations. I want players to explore the game world, learn what they like and don't like, and see alternatives they might not have considered before. They might like them or not, but having been exposed to them they should leave with better understanding of themselves. Also I want to give people new kinks, and help them discover and uncover kinks they already have. Of course, I also want them to embrace that part of themselves, and not be ashamed of it unless they're into that.

I think that's also a good pillar, especially now that I've explained it. Putting it into words really solidifies it for me, I think.


The third potential pillar is Everybody Wants You. The name of the game is "Dommy Monsters are Fighting Eachother to Own You" and that's also the tagline. You are meant to be a desired thing. The reasons for each monster will differ, but they all want you and want to prevent the others from having you.

I came up with the idea for this when I thought about what I personally want. I want to be wanted, desired, and precious. I also want to be useful and helpful to those I care about and the groups I am a part of. Every Monster in the game wants the player because they are free and everyone else in this 'area' is either owned or another competing monster. There may be others around for them to fight over, but not many, and they will focus on you pretty hard. Their themes, goals, and personalities will change how they want you, how they will respect what you start as, and things like that. Some monsters see you only as a valuable resource, to be claimed and used. Others will see you as a person to be cherished and elevated. There's a pretty big spectrum between those two, and there's a lot of other directions it could go.

I intend to have multiple monsters with the same theme but different personalities so that if you want, say, a kind and caring nanny monster or a cruel and domineering nanny monster, you can have both fighting over you and compare them. If you have a strong preference for one or the other, you have a clear villain and a beloved nanny you want to stay with. However, at present I'm thinking the minimum number of Dommy Monsters fighting to own you should be three. It might get higher? The number of Dommy Monsters possible should be greater than the amount I'm actually able to create, but that's part of why I want to open source it eventually. So, you might have the cruel domineering nanny monster you are trying to avoid, but you still have to choose between the temptation of the kind and carring living plushie nanny and the kind and caring robot nanny, for example.

As a pillar, Everybody Wants You should guide me to drive home how much each Monster wants and desires you, and will fight to own you. That should constantly be clear, whether the monster is acting desperate or above all this, they always know that they want you and want to prevent the others from having you, and that should be clear in both the text and the mechanics.

So, I think I will keep that. That means, those are officially my pillars for the game.

The guide I'm following does suggest having a little description under each Pillar's tagline, and I think that stuff I just said is a bit too big and directed to you, my audience or rubber duck or mirror or whatever...

So let's make some short versions.


Love of Transformation

The player should experience and enjoy the ecstasy of change in themself and the world around them.


Exploring Inside and Out

Learning about the game world, the game mechanics, and the themself as a person is the player's goal.


Everybody Wants You

You are a hotly contested, strongly desired and precious resource. Everybody wants to have you and own you. Some see you as a person or a treasure, others an object or tool. All will fight to own you.

Okay yeah! That's great. I like that. <3


5:34pm - I have added the Core Design Pillars to the Game Design Document in two places. The taglines are in the Core Design Document, and there is a secondary document called Game Pillars and Values Design Document and that has the full versions I wrote just there.

So, with the pillars decided, I need to do the Values next.

Values are a softer suggestion than pillars, from the things suggesting them to me, but they make a good case for them and I think they're a good idea.

The Game Pillars are the core concepts of what they game is, and what it's about. Sort of guiding ideals for the game's mechanics and systems to make sure they feel right and present the right ideas.

Values are more like the Project Values or the Team Values, so they're my values. But in particular, I want to express the Values I'm strving to display and uphold as part of why I'm making this game and what it should be and represent in the world.

Charlie Cleaveland said, "Values are ideologies for the whole game. They're useful for areas your pillars don't cover. They often represent the values of the team or company building the game."


Picking my head, one of the first things coming out is "Being Different should be Celebrated." though it's kind of an awkward one. It's not just okay to be different, everyone is different. Some people are more different. In reality, differences can lead to strife, but as concious people that's often a choice someone made. It doesn't always work out, but we should be able to communicate what we want and need, and trade and settle for them. Ideally come together as one group of different people, or a group of groups, or something. I don't know if that will work, since some people are opposed. I don't know if people will always be violently opposed.

An issue with differences being celebrated is that a lot of folks are looking for acceptance and many are looking for prestige. People will make themselves more different on purpose if they think it's good, even if it doesn't suit them.

I think that might be best countered by pairing it with another value?

So, "Being Different should be Celebrated" would go really well with "Being yourself is the best way."

That's super vague, though. Part of the idea of this game is to explore yourself, and learn more about who and what you are through contrast. Things will be different in ways you haven't thought of before, and you'll be able to identify "This is me/like me" and "This is not me/like me".

I want people to be themself but I recognize they won't know what that is, and so I want people to explore themselves and find out, but in order to do that you also need contrast. You need things that are not a part of you, that are different, in order to know what you are or aren't.

The trouble with saying "Being yourself is the best way." is that it can lead to the idea that what you already know is what you are, and you shouldn't change or explore yourself, because then you're not yourself. I don't want folks to think that way.

So, I think these values won't work in those forms.

5:50pm - It's ten minutes until 6pm, and these values are coming slow. I need to use the washroom, and I need to go home and help my Dad. So, I'm going to log off now, and head out.

It's not much, but I made some progress today. Thank you for reading my journal.

1:06pm - I've actually come out to the library to work today. Haven't done this in a while. I'm well rested, too, I think. Had a bit of play before I came out, and I have an errand scheduled for 3:30pm, so I've got a couple hours to fill at least. ^.^

I'm planning to work on my Dommy Monsters design document, but I'm also considering writing more in a sort of essay-like thing I'm writing about motivation for playing games and the issues with the game genre system, and I'm also considering writing something to explain the root issues with our economic system, from my perspective, so I can share them. I get asked sometimes and I have to say things like "I don't have time to explain right now, and I'd have to do research to find evidence and references to back up my claims." I really need to actually have something solid to share. Casual conversations are nice until someone asks you for references and evidence!

But first I'll work on Dommy Monsters stuff.

The first tasks I have to do are somewhat connected. I'm making the design document based on a template format, modified for my purposes.

The first part is "Describe your game in one sentence." and I've done that enough times while telling people about the game that I had one already. "Dommy Monsters are Fighting Eachother to Own You"

After that it says "Then write one or two paragraphs summarising your game."

The idea here is partly to make an easy to share tagline describing your game, but it's also partly to get you to think about what you're making and designing and simplify it into its core elements.

The article that reccomended the template I'm using also had a sample using that template, and when they did the two paragraphs they had one describing the game in an 'in universe' sort of way, and the second paragraph explained the mechanics and gameplay. The two were actually one-sentence paragraphs,though. I'll try doing that sort of two paragraph description.

Lost in the Space Between Worlds, looking for a purpose or a place to be, you encounter strange monsters who want to claim you and give you the both, whether you like it or not. Taken to their domain on the edge of their world and this space, you will live and perhaps escape, but other monsters want you in the same way and will try to steal you for themselves. You must find a monster that will satisfy your needs, wants, and desires or you will be taken and have your needs, wants and deires changed to suit them.

Dommy Monsters is a text-based adult oriented monster transformation and domination/submission themed life sim. The player creates a character as they desire to be, and they are claimed by a dominant monster who wants to own and control them for its own desires. The player character has needs based on their body, and they must fulfill them or risk the consequences. The monster who claims you won't let you starve or die from neglect, but you might not like the care it gives. Explore their domains, fulfill your needs, meet the locals and get changed. Escape to another place you want, but be aware that each monster will try to prepare a ritual to claim you and keep you from the others permenantly. Either get away beforehand, or try to stop the others from claiming you when you find someplace you want to stay!

Okay yeah, I think that's pretty good. It might be too wordy? Too long or too vague? I'm not sure. I'll keep it for now and I can refine it later if I think it's too much and figure out pieces to shave off.

3:17pm - I've shared it around some, and I'm asking for advice and opinions on what I've got so far. I still need to come up with the design pillars for the game, but I've run out of time. It's already almost 3:30pm! I have to go do the thing. I don't know what I'll do after.

11:05am - I'm at the Tim Horton's right now. I thought I'd go to the library and work, but I realized that was pretty far from the Staples. I need to pick stuff up there, but they said not to just come, but to wait for an email. I think it would have been faster to just show up and not place a pick-up order. ^.^;;

Anyways I also wanted to treat myself a bit. I have been avoiding paying for anything, but I thought that a bit of food and a big tea would help me work and stay up.

While I wait to hear from Staples, I am going to work on the two important things for today. First, I have some stuff to do for my new job. If I have time and energy after that, I plan to work on my gamedev, or at least do that personal hype-raising I planned the other day.

I might do that part at the library, given how time works.

12:11pm - I've gotten the email, and finished the first safety document I have to read. It was 61 pages but most of it was short and straightforward, and though I gave it at least a resonable read it was mostly for jobs that are very different from mine.

I'm going to go to Staples, now, and get the stuff, then head to the library.

1:46pm - I'm at the library now. When I left the Tim Horton's, I was rearranging things in my car and noticed the bottle of Windex. I had been meaning to wash the windows of my car for a long, long time, and last winter I had a bottle of Windex freeze and leak in the car. It was a mess. I didn't want it to happen this year, but I also didn't want to take it out and forget about it. I decided to wash the windows right there in the parking lot. I washed a couple of them, decided to do the rest at the Staples, but only did a bit at the Staples while waiting for my purchases. Afterwards, I went to a parking lot near the library and got even more into it. I finished the windows, but I also had some car surface cleaning solution I bought a month or so ago. I used that to clean up the surfaces as best I could. They're way cleaner, now. The only one I couldn't get clean was the steering wheel. There was a lot of sweat and skin on both the steering wheel and the gear shift, and I got it off the gear shift, but once around with the steering wheel wasn't enough, and I ended up using the whole container of cleaner by then. I may get a bigger one another day, for the future. It worked really well.

Finally I've come into the library. I got text messages from my Dad. Apparently he's bought us a new van. We've been planning on it, and I saved up some money for it, but I didn't expect it to happen so suddenly. Now that's on my mind.

Still, I have a lot of reading and tests to do for my job. I didn't expect it to be so much. That first pdf 'booklet' as I said was 61 pages and it took over an hour.

3:52pm - I've finished all the work for work. It was mostly the same information in four documents and one film, and I had to do two multiple choice tests afterwards. So, it was pretty boring, and for me pretty obvious. Obey the law, be safe, that sort of thing. There were only a few specific rules to learn, like the regulation safe distance from rails. A lot of it was rules for the company hiring me, too, not just for me. Other stuff was for other contracted worker types that has nothing to do with what I'll be doing.

Well, it's over for now. I'm going home. Too tired to do any gamedev, and that was a lot anyways.

7:43am - I hadn't realized I had closed the page, and hadn't started a new post for today yet.

I got up around 4am, so I guess I've been up nearly four hours now?

The plan for today is to take my roomie to an appointment around 9am, and when we get back my Dad and I will go shopping for house fixing stuff. After that, I dunno.

Right now I'm on Dual Universe. I had a bad crash in a ship I was flying and died, and ressurected on one of the planet's moons, so I've got a long trip to get to the ship before I can even start fixing it. ^.^;;

I was also thinking about listening to audiobooks while I game rather than just youtube videos, and I went to Audible but I only have three books on there and I don't want to listen to them, and they don't have any free books. You can't even sort their books by price, or filter by price level! A lot of them are more expensive than paper books, too.

2:22pm - I am home again. Spent like 5 hours helping my roomie and my Dad. Glad to have some time to myself again.

9:13pm - My day is almost over. Ended up going out again to help a friend who needed a ride. Hadn't seen them in a while. They seem alright, but need some time to chillax after a hard week.

That thing with the ship in Dual Universe was the main thing I was handling today, lots of stuff, but it's mostly okay now. Mostly. I'll have to deal with it more later. ^.^;;

For now I'm gonna try to sleep.

11:56pm - So far, I've gotten up, I'm already playing a TTRPG with some friends, I had a light breakfast and took my meds.

I'm playing the TTRPG in voicechat and on Roll20 on one monitor, and on the other I've got Dual Universe open. I'm setting up a sort of 'mailbox' for now, to give Humis back his stuff.

12:32pm - I'm going into space in DU now. Gonna pick up some Silicon I couldn't sell, and some other things from Haven. I also bought three Territory Units on Alioth so I'll have to pick them up to grab my territories soon.

7:33am - After the game ended around 1:15am, I watched some shows with the guys who remained and ate a dinner for breakfast. Eventually we parted, and I spent time on Dual Universe, but I also went to my roommate's Twitch stream and we were rubbing up against eachother in a bad way, despite trying not to. I was getting emotional and making his audience uncomfortable, so I apologized and left. A little bit later, though, he contacted me on Discord, and we spent at least three hours fighting, maybe four or more? We only stopped a little while ago, and only because I realized we had addressed him 'cornering' me. Since he's ten feet away, and he had already come to Discord after I left his Twitch Chat, and wouldn't take no for an answer, I thought he'd chase me irl if I logged off. :/

When I said that I thought that he reassured me he wouldn't, but I didn't log off then. We were still fighting for another couple hours after that, before I realized I had been saying all along something like 'I'm too emotional and upset right now, I left your twitch chat because I knew I couldn't control myself and didn't want to do things I'd regret, but you chased me and won't stop.'

We eventually figured out why he was compelled to chase me and not stop, but we kept fighting after that too. Neither of us were in our best minds and we were hurting eachother's feelings, but wouldn't stop, and that was what I was trying to avoid but it was too late and I was in too deep. My attempt to stop it failed.

A big part of what we were arguing about was him saying I wasn't accepting blame or fault for things I do, and all through it he was only doing it because of his mental problems, and acting like I was the one responsible for what he was doing. I had already left and he followed me, how was it my fault?

We've never had a fight like that. Not one that lasted so long, certainly, but also not on that topic or issue. I didn't want to have anything to do with it. I think I'm fair in saying he forced it on me, because he chased me to Discord after I left his Twitch Chat. Since we're ten feet away irl, in different rooms, I felt I had to address it or he'd come in person, right? I didn't have the option to just say nothing, unless I was willing to risk having to do it in person too, or worse. :/

On the other hand, he wasn't taking responsibility for his mental problem forcing him to go after me. Yeah, if I had understood the situation and explained myself, it would have let him stop, but I didn't understand the situation. For a lot of it, I didn't even know he was under a compulsion. I thought he was just refusing to stop when he was able to. Likewise, I didn't know what was causing the compulsion.

Still, we kept fighting after we solved that, so it wasn't just that. He's upset about other things, I'm upset about other things. I'm glad I finally had the sense and self-control to stop the back and forth, but it was an ordeal.

Two crazy people in a reinforcement spiral. :/


I'm not feeling great now. I've been on Dual Universe the whole time he and I were fighting, trying to distract myself and stay calm. Now though, I knew I didn't want to argue or discuss things with him from the start because of my emotional state, I'd want to hurt him, and I guess I still want to hurt something? Emotionally speaking. I don't actually want him to be hurt. I'm going to have to do something to let out the tension now that I'm alone. For the moment, I'm writing all of this, but I think I'm going to have to switch to a more violent game, or something.

But yeah, in DU I've been gathering the last of the "Skittles", the surface ores in the free territory I have on Haven, so I can take them to Alioth. There's still some left, but I might just log off for now and finish later. I'm moving all my stuff off of Haven, including the old house. The only thing that'll remain is the territory control unit.

9:44am - I played a dungeon in Fortnite Save the World mode, and that was nice. It was on the easiest difficulty so I killed many baddies solo-style. Took a long time, but I wasn't rushing like yesterday. Now I'm going to do a few other things. Call Goodwill, go get groceries, those are the main ones.

2:34pm - Well, I'm home again. I ended up calling goodwill while getting ready to get groceries, rather than before. They had an opening today so I went and had an intake meeting. Got the ball rolling. Afterwards I got groceries, and now I'm home again.

I've got a couple Steamed Bao and a Rootbeer and some Salt and Vinnegar Potato Chips because I'm Canadian, and I'm not entirely sure what I'm going to do next but I've been enjoying Fortnite so far and the event isn't on much longer, so I think I'll probably do more of that.

1:05am - Things got weird and I rushed to bed around 4pm without remembering to post this. This is twice now, I hope I can remember soon!

3:36am - I've got Joplin ready, and my plan is to start working on the Game Design Document. I also have some videos and articles I want to read, though, so I'm going to try to do all of that. We'll see how it goes in practice as time goes on. I also have to take it easy tonight and sleep if I can, because I have an appointment in the morning.

4:57am - I've been reading a lot of articles and things that turned up during my earlier research on Game Design Documents. So far, I'm hanging on to these ones in particular, because I think they have good structure and ideas:

https://gamedesignskills.com/game-design/how-to-write-a-game-design-document/
https://glamorous-save-06a.notion.site/Game-design-template-0132383574dd4c2dbff5d14e3a90761c
https://www.charliecleveland.com/game-pillars/

The first linked the second which linked the third. It's provoking all sorts of interesting thoughts about the game I'm designing, and how it should operate. In particular, that third one is by one of the devs of Subnautica, explaining the ideas of Design Pillars and Values. These things, along with the idea of the Core Game Loop, are things I'm familiar with in a "Yeah, I understand that." sort of way, but they weren't things I'd really internalized or looked into formally.

The Pillars are the essential ideas of what the game is, is about, and represents. The foundation of everything else. The Values are basically your own values and ideology as an individual or team, in the context of game design and development. It's hard to really put into words without just repeating or copying what they said, so just use the url I put up there and read it.

Another thing I liked was in that second one, the template. Like a lot of the templates and guides I've seen, it expects you to start with a brief and direct description of the game. This one in particular says to describe your game in one sentence, and I like that. I already have a sentence I've been using to describe this game. "Dommy Monsters are Fighting Eachother to Own You." It does require some understanding of the context, though, I think. Like, this is an erogame, and what sort of 'monsters'? Then it says to summarize the game in a couple paragraphs, so I think that would do.

7:38am - It's getting hard to focus, and I need to have a nap before my appointment this morning. I want to make a little bit more progress before then, but I'm not sure it's a good idea. I've finished the research I was doing and I've got a template I like, I'm going to copy the format, but in Joplin. I figure if I do that formatting, it'll be enough 'work', but I won't put in the details yet. Still, it's been a struggle to focus just to do that.

7:58am - Alright, I was able to do it. It's almost 8am, so I'm going to try and have a nap, now.

2:50pm - Since last time I've tried looking through the code for Lilith's Throne without making a work journal, and like before that didn't work out.

The code for Lilith's Throne is a bit of a mess. Even though it's open source it's mostly made by one person, and there's no design doc or other documentation. There's the code, and sometimes there's comments. Not easy to analyze!

I'm not sure if I should keep trying to figure it out or just make my own from scratch. I'm not sure how much I can learn from their previous work if I don't know why they did this or that, and the data structure for the player and NPCs is kinda confusing anyways...

It might be easier to go through it when I've got a journal open like this, or it might not. I don't know. Working in general can be pretty difficult, if I don't ritualize it in some way.

3:15pm - I ended up looking at the GameCharacter.java file and sure enough, having this journal open and a turkey dinner at my side makes this way more possible. This file is enormous, though. They're tracking a lot of data for every character, but there's also methods to serialize and deserialize the classes to XML, and they're both gigantic, and I've barely gotten into the file... I think I'd need a proper Java IDE to look at this and find where each bit starts and ends, probably, and I don't want to go that far for this. I might have to roll my own anyways...

That said, I did notice that they used another class for the body attributes, and that's what I want the most. So, I'll have to see if I can isolate that instead.

3:29pm - I've looked through the Body.java file and the Body class is pretty straightfoward, so I'm not sure what I expected to learn. XD

If anything it's still less complex than I was intending before, when I wanted to be able to have different parts on either side of the body. It also seems to require certain parts, so you have a leg type, not two legs, and you must have a leg. So, that's interesting. Probably the leg could be something weird like a snake tail, and I know this game can have taurs, but it doesn't seem like it goes as far as I was hoping. So, I'll just have to make up my own data structure.

3:41pm - I'm thinking about trying to find something to design the data structure in. When I did this before it was very rough, just text in a weird format. So, I think I'll have to take some time and daydream and think about it. So, I'll pack up for now and maybe do more later today or another day, and ask around for tool suggestions.

It's been a long time since I posted on this blog! It's because it's been a long time since I did any work on coding, design, or even writing stories. That's unfortunate, but it has to do with a lot of stressful things irl. I've moved back to my home town, and even to my parents house. The stress has been so intense that I developed a speech compulsion disorder... It's been really difficult.

Before the start of February I found out about a Game Jam, Strawberry Jam 6. It's a Horny Game Jam, or in other words, a game jam for making erogames. Also, the community around the jam is very positive for non-traditional ideas of horny content. So, I decided to join. I planned to prepare my tools in the days before the Jam and then spend the four weeks making a game. However, none of that happened. I never did get my tools ready, or make any games. I did at least have a game in mind to create, which I brainstormed with my roomie. I think it was a neat idea, and I liked the concept too. However, at some point I realized that even if I did make it, it would only be the foundation, and I'd be driven to complete it... It would be so much work, for so long, and that's not bad! But it's like, is that what I really wanted to do, long term? I had intended to enter the Jam and make a fun and kinky game, just to shake the rust off, not to start an endless game project.

Now though, it's March. Strawberry Jam 6 is over. You can check out the submissions at their page: https://itch.io/jam/strawberry-jam-6

It's time to decide what to do next.

I'm finally settling in back at my parents' house, and I want to make games again, but I'm not sure what to make. My previous projects, or at least the ones I was most recently working on, were almost entirely in the planning stages. The ones before that, I'm not sure there's anything I want to work on there?

Some time in January, before I found out about the Strawberry Jam 6, I had discovered an erogame being developed that interested me. I went to investigate and found their Patreon. They're developing two erogames simultaneously as a full-time job. At the time, I was able to see just how much they made per month, and I was going to say what they're making now, but like, I can't see it anymore! I asked them, and apparently they turned off the display to stop getting attention from phishing scams. At any rate, it's better money than I make on disability by far, even taking into consideration they've said they pay the two artists they work with a large portion.

So, after finding out about that, I contacted them to ask how they did it, what was their secret and all that. It took a while to get anything out of them that could help, though, since they weren't terribly sure what if any trick they had; for them, it was just how it worked out. They mentioned their programming skills weren't great, and I happen to know my programming skills are actually pretty great, so I thought I'd try and help them out to trade for their help in figuring out marketing or whatever it is they do so 'right'. It turned out our learning styles are very very different so my help so far hasn't been terribly helpful, only a little bit. They were at least able to give some advice here or there. One thing they think contributed a lot was https://tfgames.site/ so I checked that out. I'd used the site before, not in a long time, but it seems it's way more popular than I knew. I also started exploring, and a series of coincidences led me to other erogame projects and also the Strawberry Jam 6.

Several of those erogame projects have been really captivating, and contributed somewhat to my difficulties working last month... But these were also making good money on Patreon. It was actually a while before I found any erogames that weren't making much...

Now I'm thinking about doing an erogame for my next project, for real. Not the one I had intended to make for Strawberry Jam 6, but another one I've been thinking out.

I actually had a couple of different ideas at first, but they both fell into the trap that the ero concepts were fighting with the game concepts. A classic problem in ero games is that you're given mechanics that make avoiding the ero stuff the best gameplay and/or the story-goal, and in some ways punishing you for what you really want to do.

While struggling with that I was suddenly hit with an idea that would turn it around. So, the idea of my new erogame project is to place the player in a situation where they are being fought over by a collection of dominant 'monsters', each of which wants to own them very very much. It's a sub-focused game, based around transformation and mind control, along with a host of my other interests. One of the monsters will catch you early on and take you to their domain, and they'll try to change you to suit them and their theme and interests, and ultimately perform a ritual to claim you. At the same time, the other monsters will break into that one's domain and try to catch you and kidnap you to their domain instead, to do the same thing.

At first it's something of an exploration game, where you explore the different domains but also explore your options and get to know the different 'monsters'. Eventually you might decide you like one more, though, and try to spend more time with them and avoid the others, and then while the gameplay is the same, the goals change things. Instead of just exploring, you've chosen one of them and so you'll actively try to resist the others and stay with your favorite, until they finish their ritual. Meanwhile, the others will keep trying to get you to join them instead, offering temptations. I've definately played games with multiple 'paths' and been indecisive with them, flipflopping for a while. I hope I can make it difficult for players to choose!

So that's the basic theme idea, but it's pretty divorced from any specific gameplay so far, and that's a bit of a problem. I'm actually still trying to figure out what sort of gameplay would be best for this idea.

There are two main game styles I'm thinking about for this project currently. I'm not opposed to additional ones but these are the ones I've thought up so far and focused the most on. I want to describe them here partly to share the ideas with others, but also to explore them myself. I find writing about my ideas in a conversational way tends to help spark new ones, and other benefits also manifest.

The first game style I've been thinking about is a sort of text based dungeon idea. In this one, each 'Monster' would have a domain represented by interconnected rooms with descriptions and various objects for contents, and other things. The player would be taken to a monster's domain when caught by them, and usually held in one room for a bit at least while they do things. They might be let go for a bit to explore the domain, or escape somehow. They might also be taken on some sort of tour.

The main special features of this one would be exploring the domains and seeing what's there, and also playing with the 'toys'. So, each domain would have themed things you could interact with, they'd probably do something to you but might just display a kinky 'scene' and pass time. There might be NPCs in there besides the monster, and they might have their own ideas and activities, but they would respect their monster master overall. The general idea is to give you ways to customize your experience in that theme, rather than just having one thing that the monster will do and only that. I'd also like it to be possible for things from different domains to affect you and have those changes remain and/or be modified by others. So, depending on your 'route' through the game, things might be different each time, rather than the same experience with just the monster every time, with a single end-state every time.

I'm not sure if the monsters domains will be connected in a way you can traverse them on your own, or if you have to be taken by a monster to its domain to get there. It would be tricky, given that I want to be able to let the player remove monsters and themes they don't want to see from the experience. That means that the domains would also have to go, and I'd have to rig something up to connect them dynamically. I'm capable of that, it's possible, but it's more work, you know? There's also the minor things that might be turned off or removed, so individual elements of a monster's domain might not be usable or even appear, depending on the situation. All that said, the idea of personally taking the dangerous trek through different monsters' domains to get back to your favorite after you got kidnapped/captured is kinda neat. It also gives you an alternative way to experience other monsters' domains than being caught and taken by them. I do also like the idea of there being a neutral zone as well, where you start out before the first monster you encounter is able to get you.

The other parts of the game are the monsters bursting into the edges of eachother's domain like the heccing Kool-Aid Man and you either encouraging or resisting them. Also, they fight eachother! XD

That's another thing that's really fuzzy in my head regarding all of this. Like, it's easy to say that a monster can grab you and you have no option to resist or escape, but then what about if one takes you and then another comes and now the three of you are in the same room? For one thing, I think that provides an opportunity for you to escape them both, while they're busy fighting, but it also gives you the opportunity to side with one or the other. This might be the only way to escape from the monster whose domain you're in, even, I haven't decided yet. Like, some might take you to their domain, assume you're safe and let you wander around, others might want to let you kinda change yourself through interacting with their domain instead of just doing it to you, and that sort of thing. But, some will definately keep you close. There's going to be at LEAST one with a pouch to put you in. So, having another monster come along and challenge them would be a great opportunity for you.

Once you're free of the monster who had you, those two might be busy for a while or not, I'm not sure how I'll handle the monster fight dynamics or gameplay. They might split up after they realize you're gone, but you'll probably at least have a few turns to make some distance. But, there's gonna be other monsters in that domain hunting for you too! Potentially all of them! So, I want the domain to be big enough... but I worry about the appropriate sizes of that sort of thing. I think that would have to be figured out through playtesting. Obviously you don't want to be wandering around seeing nothing for a long time, not knowing where you are or what you're doing. But, I don't want one or more monsters in every room, and the player being unable to interact with the domain's other features. Likewise, if all the monsters have to do to catch you is be alone in a room with you, then they teleport to their domain, you lose a lot of agency and also the excitement of trying but failing to escape, or the shock of running into a different monster when running!

Resistance has got to be in there, but I'm not sure what form it should take. The simplest would be to just say "The monster is trying to catch you! Resist?" and put a yes/no switch there. I'm not sure what to have it use to determine your success though. Random chance? Some kind of stats? Should there be an actual combat system?

I think encouragement would just mean staying with the monster you like, doing as you're told, and supporting them against other monsters instead of using the opportunity to escape.

The player themself and what happens to them is going to be an immensely complicated system. I want the player to be able to craft a form to start in, if they want. If you're in a hurry, I might set up a few easy generic starts. But, if you want to start as your fursona and get modified by these various monsters and zone experiences, whatever there is, then I want that to be an option. That way, the one getting changed is YOU and it should modify you in ways that would make sense, rather than something generic. It'll be tricky to represent a wide variety of fursona/persona options but I think if I immitate the system in Lilith's Throne it should work out. Their system of defining and describing bodies is really amazing.

I think that's the jist of what I'm thinking about for that game style. The main things I need to figure out are the resisting system and how the monsters will fight eachother, since I have to figure out who wins and what to display during the fight.

The second game style I'm considering is more of a life simulator in the vein of To Love a Googirl or The Repurposing Centre. Those games have been some of the most fun and most pivotal games in my ero gameplay lately, and Xey, the creator of To Love a Googirl, has been very inspiring to me.

This style of game usually consists of making choices from lists as your main form of interaction. Your day is broken up into clear sections, or each choice or action has a linked time cost, and you only have so much time in a day.

Taking the idea of Dommy Monsters Want to Own You and Will Fight Over You into this style would be an interesting challenge. The setting might differ from the first idea, since there isn't exactly a need to be exploring an interconnected maze of rooms, and it doesn't have to feel dungeony unless that's part of the monster's theme.

Basically, there'd be a short introduction and then a randomly determined monster would be the first to grab you. There might be a couple chances to avoid one and try another but you'd get got. Then the game begins.

Once you're safe in their domain, the monster, in their own way, will tell you what they want from you, and for you. Then you'll be presented with options for how to proceed. I'm thinking that each activity will take up time blocks, and that the time blocks taken up may vary depending on what you're doing, and what else happens that you didn't expect. You might be spending time with the monster, and reacting to what they're doing with you, or you might have 'free time' where the monster is doing something else, but they'll usually have some kind of directions or instructions for you. Alternatively, they might just let you do what you want in their domain.

Either way, you're in their domain and get to choose how to spend your time. You could work on any specific tasks you have, explore the domain, interact with any domain element you know about, like a location, object, or NPC, or you could try to escape the domain. So, each time you do something, there's a chance something else will happen. I'm not sure the percentages yet, that'll come from playtesting, but apart from 'nothing' there's two kinds of things that can happen. A domain event or a rival event. A domain event would be an unexpected event involving the domain itself or its inhabitants. A rival event would be something the rival monsters use to try and influence you, usually trying to kidnap, rescue, or otherwise claim you for themselves. There'd be a chance of you falling for it automatically, depending on some sort of stats and random chance, and if you don't fall for it automatically, you can intentionally give into it, and either be kidnapped/rescued or otherwise affected. Of course, you can also just ignore or report it in some way.

As time passes, your needs will change. These'll be used to sorta tie you to the world. Sleep or other forms of rest are a big one; you can only stay active so long. You'll probably have to eat or otherwise energize and rebuild yourself, too. Bathroom stuff will probably be something players can toggle off if it grosses them out, but if it's on, it'll be a thing too. It might only toggle off the vivid descriptions and kink stuff though? Not sure. At least, you'll have some sort of hygine need. The specific nature of all those needs might change with your form and status, though, also. Like, a robot or a plushie would have way different needs than an organic critter. If a domain can't support you, that'll probably be one of the first things they change.

One of the concerns I had with this style was figuring out which monster would show up to try and grab you, and when I decided to use traps/minions/whatevs instead of having the monsters show up themselves, that remained. I think that it should be somewhat random, but weighted as well. Like, at first it'd be totally random, just whatever monster gets picked from those available. But then, it would keep track of what you do, and use that to influence things. So, it would try to focus on first introducing monsters that you hadn't met or interacted with yet. If it seems you're not into a particular monster, they'll be weighted lower. If you've spent time as the guest of a monster, it'll weigh it more, and more depending on the length you stayed. Also potentially how you behaved while you were there. If you escape from a domain, the associated monster won't show up for a bit, since it wouldn't make sense to want to escape and just go back. But, I don't want them eliminated either, since maybe you only left to play the field and explore other options, but end up wanting to go back!

With scope creep creepin' on I've got more and more ideas for more monsters. I'm even thinking of having at least two for each general theme, so they can vary things up within that theme and have different personalities and styles. So, a real concern is that, especially if you have nothing turned off, it'll take a LONG time to meet all the monsters that you might potentially have an interest in. I want to make sure players have a sort of 'easy out' to play the field, if they meet a monster and they don't like them, even though they were okay with those kinks or themes. Or if they just want to find another they didn't play with last playthrough! I don't want it to be perfect, though. So, a player might get stuck getting caught, if they'd given a couple monsters 'the pass' already, or if their stats or whatever are low and they're unable to resist. But, once they're in that monster's domain, they can try to escape. I think I might give a bonus to escape at the start, even. Make it easier to nope out, but if you stick around it becomes a bit harder, but only a bit.

Basically, as I said, it's a life sim. You're sometimes pushed into things or changes by the monster who owns the domain, but usually you're just managing what to do with your free time. You might even be able to choose to spend more time with the monster? Not sure. You do what you can to keep your needs topped up and enjoy yourself. The goal of the game remains the same though; find a monster you like and stay with them long enough for them to complete their 'ritual' that claims you permenantly as theirs, while resisting the traps and temptations of the rivals. Otherwise just have fun exploring the possibility space of the game world.


Ultimately, I think the two styles can actually come together harmoniously. That is to say, the more I think about them, the closer they come to eachother. The main differences are the interface and the network of 'rooms' in the text adventure/dungeon compared to the general 'areas' of the life-sim. In the time I've been writing this, I've definately tipped a lot toward the life-sim style.

So, there won't be spatial tracking, keeping in mind where different objects and characters are. That means no real 'ai' and while it's a sort of simulation game, it's not the kind of 'simulation' I was aiming for either. That means I'm not so sure it stands up to one of the things I wanted, which was a game design that was more challenging, using AI techniques and complex simulations. I'm confident in my ability to make this game using just the skills I already have.

That said, I've spent a month thinking about and designing this game at this point (It just turned April, I started writing this in early March) and it's something I want to exist, something I want to create and something I want to be a part of. I'd also like to play it, but I'm not sure that'll work out; it's hard to enjoy a game you made yourself, they say. It's hard to explore the posibility space you established, also, and I'll be writing or reading every bit of text that goes in there too. So, there won't be any surprises.

Up till now, I thought I had a lot more to write in this entry, but I think it's actually about done! There's a lot more to be figured out, but a few times while writing this I changed my goal of writing it. At first, just updating folks on what I'm working on. Then, figuring out what to do between the two styles, and how they would work in practice. But, near the end I was focusing more on defining the game in a way that I could share with people, so they could better know what the game would be and how it would be played. That last one was a bit of a mistake. To expect someone to go through all of that 'figuring stuff out' and still be able to seperate out the specific idea that came at the end, it wouldn't be reasonable. So, I'll finish this entry, and hopefully before long, I'll write another that goes into defining the game and how it is played.

I'd also like to do more general brainstorming about the monsters I'll be implementing, their domains and worlds, the setting, and the other things the player will interact with.

For now, thanks for reading all that, if anybody did!

11:49am - Well, life has gone on as it tends to, and I'm back from my weekend trip.

I don't have anything scheduled until Friday so I'm free to work on whatever I want. Earlier this morning I did some writing on an old story, though I got a bit stymied when I realized the intro might upset some people. I might edit it out, and rewrite it. I'm not sure.

Anyways I opened this work post 'cause I was thinking about working on my Zeldalike project. It's been too long since I've done any coding, though that'll have to wait for a bit too since I'm on a non-coding step.

1:47pm - I ended up talking with some folks and eating some lunch instead of working, but I'm going to give it another shot.

Essentially I want to redo my todo list to be clearer and have more steps. Or at least better steps.

In order to make the Dungeon Generator I need ...

2:39pm - Alright I've fallen off again and I'm super distracted and feel like writing some more, so I guess I'll try to do THAT for a while...

5:03pm - I made some good progress on my story! I'm going to take a nap now though, and we'll see what I do when I get up again.

9:35pm - Well the nap was good and I feel refreshed, but there's not much time until the call tonight and I'm having analysis paralysis on what to do until then.

I could work on my story some more, or I could try again with my Zeldalike project, or I could goof off and watch youtube videos...

I'm a bit afraid to get to work on my project, since if I get in 'The Zone' I'm not gonna want to stop for the call, but we're doing activities tonight.

I guess I'll try writing more, and if that doesn't work, I'll go watch videos.

1:33am - It's time for bed so I'm going to finish up here. Hopefully I'll get back to gamedev soon.

7:20pm - I'm up and about during the day for a change, but I'm having a really hard time getting myself to work. My wants and needs aren't lining up so doing anything is a challenge. I either want to do something that I don't think is a good idea right now, or I don't want to do what I'm trying to get myself to finish, that story I've been working on.

Trying to squeeze myself into doing it sort've works but not well. It makes me want to do all sorts of other things to try and get away from doing anything useful. Also all of this is making it hard to do my mundane life tasks. I need to do Laundry but I keep screwing around until it's too late and the noise would bother the neighbors.

I'm still really into the idea of making worldgenerators and town generators in particular. I've got this great old book from the early aughts (yeah I know, how can it be old if it's from this century, but here we are) and it's got some great info on medival societies and how the fantasy of Dungeons and Dragons can fit with it. It's not easy, mostly because the worlds of Dungeons and Dragons are almost all polytheistic and western europe in the medival period was dominated by monotheism and the Catholic Church in particular. But there are some good workarounds and interesting ideas.

One thing in particular that I took from the chapter on cities in the medival period was the importance of massive fires in their ecological and physical development. A lot of modern towns are stuck with their structure with houses where houses are, and it's very difficult to clear land for new civic buildings without kicking someone out of their home. Well, fire would do that for you, and then you could rebuild the 'hole' in your city with planned developments. It's tragic as fuck with all the death but it clears out "The Poors" and also sanitizes all the shit by burning it up and killing rats and stuff...

Anyways I just think it would be interesting to simulate city building incorporating natural and supernatural disasters to open spaces that are filled in again as the city heals, like a living thing. Society is sort of like a living thing, with people as its cells.

That said it'd be a lot of work making a city generator the way I want. I'd have to basically start with a terrain system, since cities are shaped by their surroundings. They'd also have to have the little 'Manors' that the book describes, all around for feeding the city. There'd be so much to shape how the city formed, and I'd want it all to be placeable by design in case you have certain landmarks that 'must be there'.

2:58am - Well I went and completely forgot I was writing this. I suddenly had to go to a D&D game and left this open on my chromebook and well, now here I am. I'm still hoping to write some tonight, but it's been a real struggle. We'll see.

4:11am - Nah it's not workin'. Good night.